While reflecting on where I needed to go next, I also thought about how the story was going overall; and…I was pretty happy about things. However…? Yes, there is a however. However, I felt Ehlsewhere had morphed almost entirely into an adventure story. I love adventure stories…in both books and movies, but the original intent was for this story was first and foremost to be a spiritual journey. In my experience stories do shift and transform as they’re written, but I didn’t want to lose the deeper meanings that had stirred me to start writing Ehlsewhere in the first place. With that in mind, it was time to get back to why we were fighting a dragon and how to really do that. Which then led me to realize that the two most important people, when it comes to slaying this particular dragon, had gotten a little lost too. In the end I decided to bring the prophesy and those it points to front and center again. The question I was left with was this; would such a sudden shift feel like someone on a train had just pulled the emergency brake, or hopefully, more like after reaching the top of a rollercoaster track there’s an expected moment of relative serenity before the next adrenalin rush when the world falls out from beneath you? Well, there’s only one way to find out…
Not terrible, but not close to being what I need it to be. My issues are primarily with the first scene, the one from Chahrity’s point of view. The intro, where she’s reflecting on her interactions with her parents about the festival, was both confusing and out of character. Then, once Shahdow arrives, her reaction to what he tells her both about what he’s done and what they’re facing seems just as unrealistic. Would she really have given her role so little thought to that point. There’s no getting around it, the scene will need a major rewrite. Which brings up a good point…never avoid a rewrite. There’s always a temptation to just try and tweak it a bit…that’s so much easier…except it’s not. Any time I’ve tried the tweak thing I’ve regretted it and spent countless hours trying to wordsmith something that didn’t get fixed until I came at from an entirely different direction. The second scene between Ohrder and Dougerty is salvageable, and actually isn’t too bad the way it is. Last comment; rewrite aside, I think the shift to ‘deeper meanings’ was the right way to go, so come second draft time I’ll press on with it.
May the Lord bless your day,
Mike
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